Have you ever been out and feel the need to Poo?
Generally i like to poo at home only, why? because i know what bum has sat on the seat, and i also l know who may have sprinkled when they have tinkled.
The general rule is, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be desecrate and wipe the seat, this is all fine and dandy if you are in your own home, cos lets face it, at home we know who uses the toilet.
in fact, i have a bum washer at home, to many of you it may be known as a bi-day, but mine is not a separate abode, it is combined within the toilet. it squirts a jet of water up your bum so you don’t need to use so much toilet paper. it is the best thing i have bought in my 50’s.
it helps combat piles and all sorts of anal problems, (cos lets face it ladies and gentlemen, in your 50’s you get all sorts of anal problems) but the problem now is that i am unable to poo in any other toilet.
Be prepared for a poo in a public toilet
Oh my God! i am out and about and i need a poo.
There are so many factors to consider, i.e. is the toilet seat clean? (lets cover it with toilet paper to be safe), who last sat on the toilet (lets not thing about that) how can i assure a clean poo (i haven’t got my homely bum washer).
i don’t feel as if i can have had a clean poo, without my homely bum washer.
Oh Crap! lets get on with it.
I drop my trousers and pants and get into position.
II am alone, it starts to emerge…………tapered at one side……….I feel my anus expand…………it starts to slide out…………long and firm………..and then! all of a sudden i hear someone come into the toilet and go into to the trap next door.
I am in trap 6 and someone is in trap 5…………….why didn’t the choose trap 1 for fucks sake!
i have too much dignity, i can feel my turd, now 5 inches out, swinging in the breeze like a pendulum, ready to break.
i hold by breathe, ready for the almighty “SPLADOOSH” trying my hardest to keep still.
even lifting my feet from the floor in the horror that someone would recognise my shoes if i were to leave.
and to my horror, there was no holding back in trap 5………..oh no……..he just went for it, complete anal eruption, like the atom bomb in Hiroshima, no holding back………..there was even a a sigh of relief from trap 5 when it was over.
I on the other hand, holding my breath, and hoping i wasnt
It’s also a good idea to include emergency contact information into your travel kit.
Keep your passport handy at all times – don’t put it in a safe or locker
Don’t leave your passport in a safe.
I don’t want to sound like your mother, but you should keep it with you at all times because if it’s stolen then that could cause problems when going through security or leaving the country.
Always keep your passport in a place you can easily access it in case you need to make an emergency exit.
Update apps to your destination’s currency to track your spending
You can track your spending more easily if you update the apps on your phone to the destination’s currency. That way, it will be easier for you to check how much money you have left so that there are no surprises when it comes time to pay.
If you’re traveling, it’s a good idea to set your phone to the local currency so that all of your transactions are automatically labeled with their correct prices.
Fiddling around with exchange rates all the time is not worth it!
Book flights on Tuesdays and Wednesdays to get the cheapest fares
The best time to book a flight is on Tuesday or Wednesday. That’s because most people are looking for flights over the weekend, so you can find some great deals if you have patience!
I first learned this trick from my flight attendant friends – and I can now confirm it works amazingly well! I’ve saved thousands of dollars by simply following this one travel hack.
Use Google Maps offline so you can still navigate even without a connection
If you’re driving or walking between places and don’t have a data connection, use Google Maps’ offline mode. It’ll still give you directions and useful information like the distance to your destination, what streets to take, and how long it’ll take to get there.
You can also download a map of your places of interest ahead of time, and then you get to use it anywhere – even on things like subways!
Carry a credit card from home country as well as one from destination country
If you are traveling to another country, it’s always a good idea to bring your credit card from your home country with you. You don’t want to rely on just one or two cards when travelling because that could be risky if one of them gets lost or stolen.
I always bring my credit card from home, as well as one from the place I’m going or alternatively an international card such as Revolut. In case anything happens, I always have a way to get money and communicate with people at home.
What are your own best travel hacks?
Traveling can be a stressful and terrifying experience, but it doesn’t have to be.
By following these simple tips, you will always know what to expect, where your passport is at all times, how much money you’re spending on flights and accommodations (and when), and most importantly, that you are ready in case of emergency.
What are some of your own best traveling hacks? Share them with us below!
